Good morning my indomie noodles eating, business card carrying, ipod headphones wearing people of the world. I hope this blog entry meets you well. Today I will be talking about orgasms. Not the real earth shattering ones but the fake orgasms, the TV orgasms, the oh my god I hope my partner cannot tell I'm faking it orgasms....from a male perspective. Ladies think they're the only ones who fake it but little do they know that guys fake it too. Ever since the scene in When Harry met Sally where Sally played by Meg Ryan showed how she fakes orgasms, the world or at least sex in the world as we know it went completely topsy turvy (that's a word from my Enid Blyton Magic Faraway Tree days). For the first time men around the world learnt that all that hollering, yelling, clawing at the sheets, biting into your shoulder, face contortions and leg tremors done by their partners in the throes of passion may not always be true. It was like seeing pictures that your friend took with Brad Pitt, Arnold the governator and oprah and then realizing that he never visited hollywood but simply spent a day at Madam Toussards. It was like finding out that those gifts under the christmas tree were not placed by a jolly old man in red but by your father in his underwear. It was a window into the world of falsehood perpetrated by women which began with Cleopatra's beautiful wigs which covered her bald scalp, extended to victorian bone corsets which made stocky women look shapely and continues today with all the cosmetics, push up bras and high heeled shoes which women use to basically lie to men. Your face is not that smooth, your boobs are not that big, your booty doesn't poke that far out and you are not that tall. But I digress. Basically the movie showed men that women fake orgasms. Polls in magazines constantly show that a high percentage of women fake or have faked an orgasm before. Most men would begin to doubt their sexual prowress once they hear that their significant other faked that huge climax that you bragged to your boys about but I don't and I won't. I prefer to look at the other side of the equation - why are these women lying? Have I created a situation in the bedroom where she is pressured to lie? Is she afraid that my ego will be hurt if I find out that I cannot take her to cloud nine? See these are things we never think about and I never did until I faked my first orgasm. Now I'm sure you're like c'mon now, a guy? faking an orgasm? Yeah right. But I did, have and probably will do it again. I have faked orgasms for many reasons and will let you know why. The dates will have to be omitted because we don't want any of my exes to read this and start blowing up my phone to ask if it was with her and all that jazz. I faked my first orgasm when I was about 17 or 18. Up until this time I never ended a sex session without blowing my wad. I guess it's one of those things that comes with living in a "man's world"....a round of sex is known around the world to end when the man cums. So basically if you say we had sex 4 times last night that means your boyfriend had 4 orgasms. Now that's as sexist as can be but oh well what can we do about it. Anyways back to my first fake orgasm. I had just come back from a trip and hadn't seen my girl in a week. As soon as she saw me, homegirl jumped my bones and before long we were making it happen. We began at around 11am and by 2pm I hadn't cum. Now being a young buck I was all about going as fast as possible, she loved it and came a bunch of times. Any girl will tell you that it's great to have multiple orgasms but like everything else, too much of it is not good. After cumming and cumming and cumming she be became sore and wanted to rest..so we turned on the tv, watched for about 20 mins and went back to ravishing each other. By 4pm I still hadn't cum and by this time her cooch had gone from pretty pink to bloody red. Every thrust had gone from bringing pleasure to causing immense pain. We stopped again to get some rest and she asked me if I still hadn't cum and I said no. So being the trooper that she was, she mounted me with love in her eyes and slowly started going up and down. I could see that this no longer was fun for her and right now she was doing this strictly because she cared for me. Most other girls would have put up a white flag and rightfully so but she wanted to satisfy her man. She asked if it would help if I came on top because her legs were getting tired and I did. By this time it was around 5.30pm, we had been doing it for 7 hours. So I was on top of her going in and out and watching her face as it contorted in a grimace because of the pain. It was at that point I started my ooh shiiiiit routine. "Oh my god I'm about to cum" I yelled. "Yes baby yes I love you so much". I tensed up, shuddered and fell limp on top of her. You could just feel the relief in her body as she held me close. I pulled out of her and walked into the bathroom with my condom wrapped dick in my hand just like I had done time and time again. I removed the empty condom, wrapped it in a paper towel and put it in the trash can. I walked back to the bed, held her close and we fell asleep. She felt good because she satisfied her man and I felt good because she was happy. We both wound up winners so no foul, no harm. After that I faked it a bunch of times with different people for various reasons. The major one was that I just couldn't come soon enough. Ain't that a bitch. Women go on and on about how they don't want a one minute man but put them in there with a guy who's going 4 hours straight and watch them run. I'm not saying i'm a stallion, it's just that there are some times when it happens for some reason. The reason could be that I have my mind on something else e.g the rent and can't concentrate on the sex long enough to drain my main vein. It could be that I'm hungry (this has happened many times), it could be that I'm not attracted to the girl and therefore not that turned on or it could be that I felt like taking a piss before we started but didn't so now the cum is held in by it's cousin who shares the same tract. It could also be that I have too much alcohol in my system and am too drunk to cum. As I get older and have more important things to do with my time, a new reason has cropped up. It is the simple reason that I just need to go to sleep. There are some times when I'm having a marathon session that goes from sunday night straight into 2am on monday morning. At that time I just have to tell myself, my guy you need to be up for work in 4 hours so you better get this thing over with. Times like that I simply cut the session short, do my little aaargh manly moan (at least I think it's manly), shudder and go limp on the chick. I pull out and head to the bathroom to dump the empty condom and get some much needed sleep. Guys can go on and on about how we can tell when a girl is faking but we really can't. I've heard everything from "I check to see if she's wet or got wetter" to "I look out for involuntary spasms like that leg trembling shit". Or "I can tell from the way her face contorts if it's real or fake". Bullshit! All straight bullshit! A girl could be wet simply from all the fuckry that's been going down, it doesn't have to be as a result of the climax. Leg trembling or facial contortions are pretty easy to fake. The hollering and yelling is definitely the easiest part of the faking so to be frank we guys cannot tell when you fake. That's the same way girls are pretty much in the dark about guys...at least guys who wear condoms during intercourse. I mean unless the girl inspects the condom afterwards, there is really no way to tell. I still haven't found the girl who is so inquisitive that she would dig into the trashcan the next morning to see if there's cum in the condom. Plus we have to thank god for pre-cum. Some guys let that thing flow like River Niger. They fill up the condom with so much pre-cum that you think they already came like 5 times. So your inspection test just went to shit. Basically, the main reason why I have faked is to assure the girl that I find her attractive. Most people, guys and girls alike believe that the inability to orgasm has a direct correlation to how attracted you are to your mate. If you make a girl cum real quick then she must like you a lot. If a woman can't get her guy to nut then he must find her fat and unattractive. This is the main issue that I try to avoid by faking orgasms. Just the fact that we're doing this sex thing means that I'm attracted to you. I mean unless you're paying me for it there is no reason why I'd sleep with someone I'm not attracted to. I have met some women who are either very sure of themselves or mature enough to understand that if a guy doesn't climax, it isn't the end of the world. With such people I simply ask if they've had enough and if she's like but what about you I simply respond by saying I don't have to cum. And it is the truth. I really don't have to. If we've been at it for 4 straight hours and it hasn't come then it definitely isn't coming tonight. But one thing is for sure sweetheart and that's the fact that I have to be up in 3 hours to get ready for work. I have only one rule when it comes to faking orgasms which I always stand by. It is that I never fake until the girl has cum.....now what if she faked it and I follow up by faking mine...talk about double jeopardy. So ladies what will be your reaction if you found out that your man has faked an orgasm? Guys, have you ever faked it and if you have, why did you do it? | 
