Currently Listening Strange Weirdos: Music from and Inspired by the Film Knocked Up By Loudon Wainwright III see related

So I finally told her that I'm BISEXUAL

and she could not believe it.  That's a lie she said.  If it's one of your jokes please stop it because it is not funny.  It really is not funny at all.  I told her that I'm all about being upfront.  I really don't want a situation where you'll hear this from someone somewhere down the line and everything we have built till that point comes tumbling down.  But how?  How can you be bisexual she asked while her eyes implored me to smile and say I was just playing.  But I wasn't, I had come this far and couldn't go back.  I had passed the point of no return. 

Let's get to the beginning of this whole thing.  I met this girl a while back at one of the better night spots in downtown.  She was wearing a close fitting top that clung to her like water on sonoma grapes.  She matched this with a white skirt that was cut close to her body to accentuate her curvy hips and flared out in the bottom so each time the door opened and a little breeze flowed in it twirled around her ankles seductively.  She accesorized her outfit with colorful beads and earrings that dropped low from her ears and framed her beautiful face.  I took one look at her, turned to my boy and said alright that's the one.  As I approached her she turned and made a bee line for the bar.  I said nice so now I can buy her a drink...perfect opportunity.  Just before I reached her she motioned for the bartender to bring her check so she could close out her tab.  My heart sunk once I realized that she was about to leave.  I stopped midstep and thought about turning around and letting this one go because the night was still quite young, it was barely midnight.  I thought about all the other girls I could talk to that night and said to myself well it just wasn't meant to be with this one.  As she was signing the check she looked up apparently deep in thought as she tried to decide how much to tip.  Her semi serious look enthralled me even more and I immediately blurted out at least $5.  She turned and said what?  I said at least $5.  It's hard being a bartender so you better not be thinking about tipping anything less than $5.  She smiled at me and said well I'm not a big baller like you so I can't tip like you do plus you don't even know if all I had was a glass of coca cola.  I came closer and said well the point is you saw me walking towards you and decided it was time to leave...that's kind of mean cus I'm really a nice guy but oh well go ahead and sign the check anyways and leave me to wallow in the misery of the forsaken.  She immediately started laughing and said you're crazy you know that.  I said I probably am but unless you have kids at home waiting to be fed there is no reason why you can't possibly stay another 30 minutes and have a drink with me.  She said her homegirl needed to go home so I turned to her girl and asked if she'd mind terribly if her gorgeous friend had a drink with me.  She was like emm nooo u go ahead girl.  He looks kinda young though she said smiling.  So Ms hottie said that's right he does look young.  How old are you anyways she asked.  I told her my real age which I never used to do till I recently realized that I really am getting old and need to stop inflating the number.  I asked how old she was and she said guess.  I said I'm not going to play you and say you look 20 because if you did I wouldn't be talking to you...I have a thing for women who know a thing or two about life and the only way you get that is by spending time living life (basically I was saying that I like them older but older chicks don't really like hearing the words older...mature...like my mum etc).  She said she was five years older than me.  I asked if my age was a problem and she replied smiling "i don't discriminate".  A bell went off in my head gong gong gong oh this is so on. 

Well one drink turned into two that turned into three then four.  Found out she has a PhD and works as a specialist of some sort and is heavily involved with scientific research.  Oooh wee.  We hit the motherload this time ladies and gents.  I told her what I did, we bitched about work and life then out of the blue she asked me so do you have a girlfriend.  I was like emmm oh wow that's kinda out there.  But that's the way she was.  Always upfront and to the point.  She said she liked the way I dressed and my confidence got to her but she tries to avoid other people's men now and has resolved to always ask as early as possible before things got any further.  Sheesh I didn't even have to worry about asking for the digits, I knew I was going to see her again.  After some more boozing she asked to take her leave and we exchanged numbers and vowed to do something soon.

The next day I hit her up and we planned to go out to dance.  We went out danced then kissed danced then smooched danced then danced then kissed and kissed some more.  It felt like being in high school all over again.  I was like yes i'm definitely getting some tonight.  We walked out to the parking lot holding hands and trying to be smooth I pulled her close, kissed her real deep and asked if she wanted to join me for a late apple martini.  Now this is why I love older women.  They know what they want and aren't afraid to go for it.  At the same time they are very decisive about what is not going to go down.  Ms Hottie looked me in the eye and said not tonight sweetheart, lord knows you have me all hot right now and it'll take a while for me to cool down enough to fall asleep but not tonight.  My heart sunk but I said to myself well it's all about the anticipation, let's build this thing up as we await that deafening crescendo that is definitely sure to come.  So she came close and I kissed her goodnight, it was one of those 15 minute kisses that never seem to end.  We promised to call each other and made plans for the next night.

Next night I went over to her place, there was a new moon out and a slight breeze made the night just perfect for lovers.  We took a long walk that was interrupted many times by me pulling her close and stealing kisses.  It was beautiful.  We got back to her place and I was hoping she'd invite me up but once again she said not tonight babe.  At this point it hit me that I'm going to have to change my tactics because this good boy thing isn't working

So the next day we were on the phone and somehow the conversation went to intercourse.  I seized the opportunity and asked her how long she usually waits after she meets someone before she indulges.  She said it depends.  Sometimes it was after a few dates other times it took a couple of months.  It depends on when I feel comfortable with the person she said.  She then added but I don't think it'll take too long with you..I know what goes on inside me when you're around.  But I knew that I wanted it sooner...knew the good boy act won't last long so I decided to flip the script and told her I doubt it.  Doubt what she asked.  I doubt that we will be doing it anytime soon.  Why?  Don't you find me attractive?  I was like good lord girl haven't you noticed how my body responds to your touch.  I know you have cus you enjoy rubbing yourself against it just to torture me even more.  She laughed then asked so what's the issue?  I told her that I decided about two years ago to take things slow when I meet someone especially in the bedroom department.  How slow she asked and I replied well at least 10 to 14 months.  10 to 14 months?  what the hell!!!  I replied that it's good to take some time to know the person before you complicate stuff with sex.  She agreed then said but yeah I don't think u're going to be able to resist me when I'm ready...I said I like to stick to my beliefs or are you threatning to seduce me. She said we'll see with a sly smile on her face.  I knew at that point that the super good boy runs had clicked.

Two days later she came over to the house and I cooked up a storm, grilled salmon, pasta with alfredo sauce, garlic bread... I mean the whole nine.  Even put some shrimp in the sauce which I had sauteed with my secret ingredient, Emeril's Bayou seasoning.  I swear that thing is the truth.  I served the meal with a good bottle of wine.  After the meal we watched a movie and slowly but surely things started heating up.  Before long we were kissing and touching on the couch with not a stitch of clothing between us.  Then she pushed me all the way down so I was laying on the couch looking up at her, she traced a path down my belly with her tongue leaving a trail of kisses.  She began to kiss first my upper thighs then the tip of my c*$k.  At this point I was like oh my god.  She continued to kiss the tip then suddenly stopped, shut her eyes, opened her mouth as wide as she could and slowly and deliberately took all of me inside her.  Whoa!  I haven't been blown like that since I was 13.  I mean this girl or should I say lady was putting it on me like it was about to go out of style.  Just as I was getting used to her rhythm she switched it up and began to use her hands to stroke me up down up down in synch with what she was doing with her tongue and lips.  My toes had curled up and I was beginning to hear soft sweet music in my ears that's somewhere between moonlight sonata and beethoven's 5th symphony.  Ohhhh weee.  She looked up and asked 10 to 14 months right, I told you that you won't be able to resist me once I'm ready.  In my mind I was like oh you really think u're playing me?  Little do you know who's running the scam on who.  Eitherways though I mean good lord she was working me like a violin.  She had the 3 main components of a solid BJ down to a tee.  She used a lot of spit, worked with a steady rhythm and last but most importantly wasn't afraid to use her tongue.  Lord have mercy on my freaky ass soul.  Whoa!  She was slurping and sucking I mean forget about licking a lollipop this girl had excellent tongue control.  Reminded me of a girl I messed with in elementary school who could unwrap candy in her mouth using just her tongue.  Holy holy holy

So after about 15 to 20 minutes of debraining me I decided it was only right for me to return the favor.  I mean seriously what kind of host wouldn't want to repay his guest for such kindness?  So I laid her on her back, spread her legs with the intention to lick every single inch of her till she came and came and came.  So I spread her legs and beheld the most hideous coochie I had ever seen in my entire life.  I mean it was a mess of folds, meat curtain upon meat curtain.  It looked like what you see when you open a roast beef sandwich.  I took another look at it, said to myself that it's not going to magically transform into cinderella's cooch and proceeded to man up and take one for the team.  Now I enjoy going down on women.  No joke, there's something about seeing a woman get turned on, watching her squirm and moan as you taste her, limbs writhing as you torture her clit with your tongue.  There is nothing so innately powerful as watching this lawyer, doctor, teacher, secretary, mother, engineer or whatever she may be during the day just loose control of herself, fingers twitching, toes curling, mouth saying words that would get her banned from her church if her pastor caught wind of it.  All because of this tiny muscle we call the tongue.  It truly is an amazing thing.  Whenever I hear guys go on and on about how they would never go down on a woman I just smile at how stupid they are.  I mean your wife would forgive you for murder if you go down on her right.  Gospel truth right there.  Plus if you don't do it someone else will.  Do you think women don't know this?  I've heard women talk about their exes with serious loathing, that no good chain smoking, alcoholic pig that couldn't keep his hands off anything in skirts.  I don't know what I saw in him but girl he could work that tongue like nobody else.  This one time he went down on me for like 2 hours I had to call in sick to work the next day.  Lord have mercy.  Anyways I love it I love it I love it. 

So I proceed to go down on Ms hottie, tracing the alphabet on her inner and outer labia, slowly working my way to the clit or where it should be but once again those damn folds were in the way.  So I slip two fingers inside her and turn them upwards doing the come here signal to work her gspot while flicking, licking and teasing with my tongue but once again no clit.  Now I've been with a circumcized chick and know that where the clit was cut there will be a bud or at least a scar that marks the spot.  A sort of the clit was here landmark.  But this chick didn't have one, plus she's american and last I heard they don't do that here.  Anyways so i spread the folds, one, two, three, four, sixteen thousand of them and still no clit.  I'm like alright what's going on here.  I mean it's not like this girl was flabby or big by any standard.  She couldn't have been more than 130lbs.  And even big girls have something for you to work with in the clit department (don't look at me like that jare....big girls need love too).  So I'm thinking to myself maybe she was big before and lost all that weight.  I mean I know she's a gym junkie now so maybe that's what happened oh well.  So I'm still working the fingers and notice that she's not getting wet so i'm like well maybe I need to step my game up.  Work my way up to her body to her chest and begin to slowly caress her boobs.  Something just didn't feel right with them though.  They were a little stiff and felt oh no oh no oh no fake?  I was like wtf...I guess this girl got a boob job too.  She looked up at me and asked what's wrong.  I said nothing and proceeded to suck on her tiny unresponsive nipples.  It was as exciting as chewing on a clump of hair.  At this point she's like oh my god I want you inside me now.  So I strapped on and entered her.  It was war getting in.  I mean she was very dry so I said I don't think u're ready down there yet.  She said oh I'm never really wet...not like most people anyways so that's fine.  I'm like wtf this is just getting weirder by the second.  I got up and grabbed some astroglide lubricant which I liberally applied to hers and mine.  So I entered her, started slow and worked my tempo up, she laid back and grabbed onto the couch, I mean I could tell from her facial expression, the leg shaking and all that she was about to cum but there was no oral reinforcement.  I was like wtf!  Suddenly she pulled me closer, raised her back off the couch, shuddered then let out a soft gasp and bam she came.  No moaning, no heavy breathing, no nothing.  I was like what the hell I'm sure I'll get more of a reaction from banging a hole in my couch. 

So I turned her around on all fours and started going at it hard from the back, that's when she started giving these little grunts like someone who was in the bathroom doing you know what...definitely not sexy.  I was like are you really serious, i'm back here putting in work and you're gritting your teeth and doing everything not to make some noise.  That's when I lost it and went wild with the hair pulling, spanking, biting the back of the neck, just absolutely nuts.  The grunts continued and our love making session degenerated into something similar to a jailhouse rape.  Once again she went grr grr grrrrrr shuddered and that was it.  She then said you need to get yours cus you're wearing me out.  I said if u've had enough just say and she said how long is it going to take me to cum?  In my mind I thought not in this lifetime but I said well I don't have to cum tonight.  So I got up, cleaned up and told myself that if this is what love making is going to be with this girl then this is never going to happen again.  We got dressed, talked a little bit, she got up to walk and told me that her legs were shaking real bad and I did a good job.  In my mind I was like yeah maybe you should've too.  I mean how can someone go from being really intense in the head dept to absolutely nothing in sex.  What's with the fake boobs, weird vag and silent sex?  I mean wtf!!!  I definitely had to let her go because she did not do it for me.  I knew we couldn't continue but I didn't want to break her heart or dunp her suddenly.  I've been through that before and know how bad it sucks so I had to find a way for her to dump me.

So I hung out with her the day after and we talked then the convo some how went to brothers on the downlow and how there were so many of them in our city.  I asked her if she had a problem w bisexual dudes and would she date one and she said hell no.  Any man who has sex with men isn't a real man.  How am I sure he won't go back to sleeping with guys behind my back?  So I said well this is as good a time as ever to tell you this, I'm bisexual.  She said no that can't be possible.  I said yes it is.  She said but you don't look like the kind of guy who would sleep with a man.  I said well I guess I can't possibly buy a t-shirt that says it and wear it everyday.  She said no that's not true.  It's impossible!  How do you know you're bisexual?  I said cus I have dated men before but right now I'm looking for a good woman I can be with and possibly raise a family.  That just threw her for a spin and she said how are you sure it's not just a phase.  I said I'm not sure...i mean it's possible but I know that I want to be with you right now.  Is my past going to be a problem?  I've only dated 3 guys and the last relationship lasted just over a year and ended about 2 years ago.  She said but you're still attracted to guys right?  Sometimes i replied.  Then I said I shouldn't have told you this but I'm all about putting it all out there before it becomes an issue in the future.  She said she appreciates my candor but this can't be true.  This is crazy.  Wow I wouldn't have known.  I mean you don't even act gay.  I said it's cus I'm bisexual not effeminate.  I asked so what's going to happen to us?  She said I'm going to have to think about this.  I said alright I have to leave now, I leaned in for a kiss and she turned her head away and gave me a hug.  She promised to call me to let me know but never did....ever.

I told a friend of mine about this later on and she said oh my god what if you guys know the same people and she tells them.  I said I really don't care what anyone thinks.  Let them show me which guy I slept with that made me bisexual then I'll have something to worry about.  Till then who cares what people say.  It's not like I'm ever going to run for president and have some retarded journalist interview this one girl who will say yes yes he's bisexual.  It sucks how girls can "explore" same sex experiences when they're in college and it's okay but once a guy does so it means he's on the down low.  I guess life really isn't fair.  If I ever run into her again and see her whispering to her friend at least I'll know what they're talking about and chuckle to myself : )

Oh well anyways that's all I have for you today.  Thank you for reading and please leave a comment.

Currently Reading The Naked and the Dead: 50th Anniversary Edition, With a New Introduction by the Author By Norman Mailer see related

Why most Nigerian men can’t go for more than one round of sex at a time

I cannot shout.  Naija reporters will not kill me.  Please sit back and enjoy this gem I found from the Sun Newspapers website

"Why most Nigerian men can’t go for more than one round of sex at a time
By AZOMA CHIKWE
Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I hope you guys enjoyed it.  Don't forget to leave your comments and come back soon.  My next entry will be on a topic that I've had on my mind for a while - How many sexual partners is too many....for a girl.

Currently Listening I Touch Myself see related

stop touching yourself

Currently Watching When Harry Met Sally... By John Arceri, Robert Alan Beuth, David Burdick, Frances Chaney, Donna Hardy see related

Faking orgasms...a male perspective

Good morning my indomie noodles eating, business card carrying, ipod headphones wearing people of the world.  I hope this blog entry meets you well.  Today I will be talking about orgasms.  Not the real earth shattering ones but the fake orgasms, the TV orgasms, the oh my god I hope my partner cannot tell I'm faking it orgasms....from a male perspective.  Ladies think they're the only ones who fake it but little do they know that guys fake it too.

Ever since the scene in When Harry met Sally where Sally played by Meg Ryan showed how she fakes orgasms, the world or at least sex in the world as we know it went completely topsy turvy (that's a word from my Enid Blyton Magic Faraway Tree days).  For the first time men around the world learnt that all that hollering, yelling, clawing at the sheets, biting into your shoulder, face contortions and leg tremors done by their partners in the throes of passion may not always be true.  It was like seeing pictures that your friend took with Brad Pitt, Arnold the governator and oprah and then realizing that he never visited hollywood but simply spent a day at Madam Toussards.  It was like finding out that those gifts under the christmas tree were not placed by a jolly old man in red but by your father in his underwear. It was a window into the world of falsehood perpetrated by women which began with Cleopatra's beautiful wigs which covered her bald scalp, extended to victorian bone corsets which made stocky women look shapely and continues today with all the cosmetics, push up bras and high heeled shoes which women use to basically lie to men.  Your face is not that smooth, your boobs are not that big, your booty doesn't poke that far out and you are not that tall.  But I digress.

Basically the movie showed men that women fake orgasms.  Polls in magazines constantly show that a high percentage of women fake or have faked an orgasm before.  Most men would begin to doubt their sexual prowress once they hear that their significant other faked that huge climax that you bragged to your boys about but I don't and I won't.  I prefer to look at the other side of the equation - why are these women lying?  Have I created a situation in the bedroom where she is pressured to lie?  Is she afraid that my ego will be hurt if I find out that I cannot take her to cloud nine?  See these are things we never think about and I never did until I faked my first orgasm.

Now I'm sure you're like c'mon now, a guy?  faking an orgasm?  Yeah right.  But I did, have and probably will do it again.  I have faked orgasms for many reasons and will let you know why.  The dates will have to be omitted because we don't want any of my exes to read this and start blowing up my phone to ask if it was with her and all that jazz.

I faked my first orgasm when I was about 17 or 18.  Up until this time I never ended a sex session without blowing my wad.  I guess it's one of those things that comes with living in a "man's world"....a round of sex is known around the world to end when the man cums.  So basically if you say we had sex 4 times last night that means your boyfriend had 4 orgasms.  Now that's as sexist as can be but oh well what can we do about it.  Anyways back to my first fake orgasm.  I had just come back from a trip and hadn't seen my girl in a week.  As soon as she saw me, homegirl jumped my bones and before long we were making it happen.  We began at around 11am and by 2pm I hadn't cum.  Now being a young buck I was all about going as fast as possible, she loved it and came a bunch of times.  Any girl will tell you that it's great to have multiple orgasms but like everything else, too much of it is not good.  After cumming and cumming and cumming she be became sore and wanted to rest..so we turned on the tv, watched for about 20 mins and went back to ravishing each other.  By 4pm I still hadn't cum and by this time her cooch had gone from pretty pink to bloody red.  Every thrust had gone from bringing pleasure to causing immense pain.  We stopped again to get some rest and she asked me if I still hadn't cum and I said no.  So being the trooper that she was, she mounted me with love in her eyes and slowly started going up and down.  I could see that this no longer was fun for her and right now she was doing this strictly because she cared for me.  Most other girls would have put up a white flag and rightfully so but she wanted to satisfy her man.  She asked if it would help if I came on top because her legs were getting tired and I did.  By this time it was around 5.30pm, we had been doing it for 7 hours.  So I was on top of her going in and out and watching her face as it contorted in a grimace because of the pain.  It was at that point I started my ooh shiiiiit routine.  "Oh my god I'm about to cum" I yelled.  "Yes baby yes I love you so much".  I tensed up, shuddered and fell limp on top of her.  You could just feel the relief in her body as she held me close.  I pulled out of her and walked into the bathroom with my condom wrapped dick in my hand just like I had done time and time again.  I removed the empty condom, wrapped it in a paper towel and put it in the trash can.  I walked back to the bed, held her close and we fell asleep.  She felt good because she satisfied her man and I felt good because she was happy.  We both wound up winners so no foul, no harm.

After that I faked it a bunch of times with different people for various reasons.  The major one was that I just couldn't come soon enough.  Ain't that a bitch.  Women go on and on about how they don't want a one minute man but put them in there with a guy who's going 4 hours straight and watch them run.  I'm not saying i'm a stallion, it's just that there are some times when it happens for some reason.  The reason could be that I have my mind on something else e.g the rent and can't concentrate on the sex long enough to drain my main vein.  It could be that I'm hungry (this has happened many times), it could be that I'm not attracted to the girl and therefore not that turned on or it could be that I felt like taking a piss before we started but didn't so now the cum is held in by it's cousin who shares the same tract.  It could also be that I have too much alcohol in my system and am too drunk to cum.

As I get older and have more important things to do with my time, a new reason has cropped up.  It is the simple reason that I just need to go to sleep.  There are some times when I'm having a marathon session that goes from sunday night straight into 2am on monday morning.  At that time I just have to tell myself, my guy you need to be up for work in 4 hours so you better get this thing over with.  Times like that I simply cut the session short, do my little aaargh manly moan (at least I think it's manly), shudder and go limp on the chick.  I pull out and head to the bathroom to dump the empty condom and get some much needed sleep. 

Guys can go on and on about how we can tell when a girl is faking but we really can't.  I've heard everything from "I check to see if she's wet or got wetter" to "I look out for involuntary spasms like that leg trembling shit".  Or "I can tell from the way her face contorts if it's real or fake".  Bullshit!  All straight bullshit!  A girl could be wet simply from all the fuckry that's been going down, it doesn't have to be as a result of the climax.  Leg trembling or facial contortions are pretty easy to fake.  The hollering and yelling is definitely the easiest part of the faking so to be frank we guys cannot tell when you fake.  That's the same way girls are pretty much in the dark about guys...at least guys who wear condoms during intercourse.  I mean unless the girl inspects the condom afterwards, there is really no way to tell.  I still haven't found the girl who is so inquisitive that she would dig into the trashcan the next morning to see if there's cum in the condom.  Plus we have to thank god for pre-cum.  Some guys let that thing flow like River Niger.  They fill up the condom with so much pre-cum that you think they already came like 5 times.  So your inspection test just went to shit.

Basically, the main reason why I have faked is to assure the girl that I find her attractive.  Most people, guys and girls alike believe that the inability to orgasm has a direct correlation to how attracted you are to your mate.  If you make a girl cum real quick then she must like you a lot.  If a woman can't get her guy to nut then he must find her fat and unattractive.  This is the main issue that I try to avoid by faking orgasms.  Just the fact that we're doing this sex thing means that I'm attracted to you.  I mean unless you're paying me for it there is no reason why I'd sleep with someone I'm not attracted to.  I have met some women who are either very sure of themselves or mature enough to understand that if a guy doesn't climax, it isn't the end of the world.  With such people I simply ask if they've had enough and if she's like but what about you I simply respond by saying I don't have to cum.  And it is the truth.  I really don't have to.  If we've been at it for 4 straight hours and it hasn't come then it definitely isn't coming tonight.  But one thing is for sure sweetheart and that's the fact that I have to be up in 3 hours to get ready for work.

I have only one rule when it comes to faking orgasms which I always stand by.  It is that I never fake until the girl has cum.....now what if she faked it and I follow up by faking mine...talk about double jeopardy.

So ladies what will be your reaction if you found out that your man has faked an orgasm?

Guys, have you ever faked it and if you have, why did you do it?

Currently Reading I, Claudius : From the Autobiography of Tiberius Claudius, Born 10 B.C., Murdered and Deified A.D. 54 (Vintage International) By Robert Graves see related

No means Yes and Yes means Anal...the evolution of suprise sex

This post is about rape so if you cannot handle it please leave now. 

As Fela said, all you Africans please listen to me as Africans and you non-Africans, listen to me with open minds.  In the animal kingdom, the peacock struts his stuff, spreads his feathers and invites the females to enjoy the show as an indication of his intention to have intercourse.   The female kangaroo will walk around with her butt stuck out when she is in heat as a sign to the boys that she wants something hard in her.  Over the past century or so, we have experienced a change in the way human beings view the molestation and desecration of women.  Movements such as women's lib and a general increase in morality across the board have made acts such as rape even now more than ever denounced and condemned.  Rapists are considered the worst of humanity, the scum of the earth and even in prisons, an alternate world filled with killers and hardened criminals, rapists are designated to the lowest rung in the ladder.  If you are a rapist in 2008, you're pretty screwed.  End of story.  Drug dealers and mass murderers may be welcomed with open arms but you my friend are done for.  There is no salvation for you.  You will be hard pressed to find someone who will empathize with you on any level.  Serial killers can be on death row and find pen pals who will want to relate with them.  As for you let's just say that society considers you lower than the dirt on which we tread.  And rightfully so, but I digress.

Now let's flip the script and step away from the predators and their victims and move over to the females who love as in absolutely love to tease.  Girls who push the envelope to the limit.  Ladies who want to know how far they can push a man before he loses his mind and goes for broke.  I constantly ask myself why it is only in intercourse that you are expected to have super human restraint to be able to stop immediately we hear NO, regardless of the stage of arousal be it kissing, touching, sucking or dear god no, already fucking.  You cannot tell the pilot in a moving airplane that you do not want to travel anymore and ask to be let out.  So why are we expected to go from Green to Red light in 2 seconds flat? 

Why is the onus on intercourse on the woman?  It seems like it is already assumed that the guys are all set and ready to go at your beck and call.  Why is there a double standard?  Why can't we be the ones who get to say I don't want to do it anymore after we've been making out for 2 hours?  Why can't we be the one who gets to change our minds when you are so wet, your love juices are running down your thighs and soaking past the sheets and into the mattress?  Why can't we ask you to stop!  Please stop!  Stop right now!....when you're already on top, riding my dick at 120 mph?  Why can't we get off the bed and start getting dressed just before you bust a nut simply because I just decided that I'm still in love with my ex girlfriend and this is all wrong?  Why can't I look up at you with tears in my eyes and ask you to get off me or I'll tell everyone you raped me? Why?

Well apparently, Mr Olorikpanla, you apparently haven't noticed that a woman cannot rape a man.  In the same way that a key hole cannot force its way onto a key.  Plus what kind of spineless good for nothing man are you?  I mean why on God's good earth will you even consider complaining or refusing access to your person to a woman?  Good Lord son!  Man up!  Grow some balls or just give those mincy ones you have which are the size of M&Ms up before word gets around that you got raped by a woman.  But sir I swear!  I did not want to do it.  She forced herself on me.  Oh really?  Someone call the Guinness Book of Records for in our presence have we witnessed the impossible.  For the first time since the beginning of mankind, a soft penis was forced into a vagina.  Or my boy isn't that what happened?  Wait hold on did you just nod your head to say no?  Oh so you were not soft?  Then tell me which kind of penis gets hard against their owners consent?  Abi did she slip a viagra into your Limca?  Or are pink elephants flying backwards now?  Look here my son.  You cannot claim to have been raped by this woman because you apparently wanted it. 

Sir!  I did not want it.  I occurred against my will.  OK sorry about that my boy, I forgot that she had you kidnapped, bound, blindfolded and brought into her bedroom.  Well sir she did not.  Hmmm well I'm sure you can at least take your ripped clothes to the police station as evidence.  No sir, I took my clothes off myself.  Interesting!  Then she must have put a knife to your throat or tied you to the bed to prevent your escape.  *Head bowed in shame* no she did not.  Well how then did she rape you, young man?

I told her to stop but she refused.  Stop?  Stop what?  I asked her to stop what she was doing.  I tried to convince her to get off me, I tried to disengage our organs but she refused.  She kept on going, ignoring my pleas.  She kept going while I sobbed and cried.  She kept going as tears ran down my cheeks.  She kept going as the shame filled my heart.  She kept going as grief raked my soul.  She kept going as every thrust defiled me, every moan soiled me and every sinew in my body was filled with revulsion.  She kept going till I felt her tense on top of me, her fingernails dug into my shoulders, her head thrown back as the breath caught in her throat and her body stiffened in the final throes of orgasm as she climaxed on top of me. 

My mind was flooded with feelings of self loathing, sorrow and despair that erupted like a volcano as tears filled my eyes and sobs wracked my body.  Why me?  I asked myself.  Why did this have to happen to me?  I watched her though my half closed lids as she cleaned herself up.  I watched in disbelief as she dressed, totally oblivious to what she had just done to me.  Did she not know?  My heart was filled to overflow with grief.  Lord, deliver me from this dark dark day.  I covered my head with the blanket in shame, hoping that the earth below will cave in so I can fall to my death for life is not worth living anymore.  I have been raped.....I have been raped.

So what did you do next my boy?  I called 911 and told them I had been raped.  The lady on the phone asked me where the victim was.  I said I have been raped.  Then she asked "is the suspect still in the building or has he left"?  I said she just walked out of the door about 30 minutes ago.  "She?"....sir did you just say She?  the operator asked. "Yes" I replied.  How old are you sir?  I'll be 26 in May.  "What a loser!" she said and promptly hung up.  I did not know what to do so I drove to the police station.  I told the sergeant on duty what had happened and demanded a full rape investigation complete with the rape kit because I was going to press charges.  Over barely stifled laughter, he told me that there were not rape kits for adult males who get raped by girls who picked them up at the bar.  I bowed my head in shame and went home.

Oh lord!  Hahahahahahha I can't wait to get back home to tell my neighbors about you.  What a loser.  You my boy take the cake.  You don't need the dunce hat, we need to build you a dunce house and buy you a dunce car.  You really suck at life boy.  Phew!  Little cry baby here got raped by a woman.  It wasn't rape, it was suprise sex...or haven't you heard that a man cannot be raped by a woman?  It is 2008 my boy.  No means yes and yes means anal.

The end.

I hope this gets your mind spinning.  I would like to hear what you think so please leave a comment.